Bobby Jindal? More Like Bobby JindSUCKS

This one is going to be really boring, but if elected officials are going to act like children with poop in their pants, then so will I.

I hate Bobby Jindal.

Not only is he a complete moron for several reasons, but he is also a disrespectful, unpatriotic (I said it, jackass, unpatriotic) megalomaniac. Here's why:

1) He refused nearly $100 million from the federal government for unemployment benefits. This is the governor of a relatively poor state, Louisiana, which is still reeling from post Katrina destruction. There are thousands of people and families struggling to survive in Louisiana who would surely love some help....say...$100 million given to Louisiana by Obama. Jindal looked a gift horse in the mouth, saw its teeth were fine, and sent it back to the White House.

2) His middle name is Bin. Bobby Bin Jindal. Like, Osama bin Laden. I smell terrorism all over this "Bobby" character.

3) He has openly declared that he hopes federal economic plans fail. Jindal has said that he wants America's economy to spiral into a nearly apocalyptic state. It takes a real jackass to wish for our country to flounder, for the entire world to flounder, for 4 years. He doesn't want me to get a job, he wants the personal investments my retired parents have made to evaporate, he wants unemployment to rise to, oh, 100%, he wants our federal deficit to grow into a behemoth uncontrollable even by the omnipotent hands of Dwight Howard. He wants to do this so he can run for president on a campaign of failed democratic rule. He wants to inherit a political economy even worse than that Obama has had to deal with. He is an incompetent fool who, if our economy doesn't get better in the next 4 years, would ensure the demise of our country, our world.

4) He like Applebees. He really does. The neighborhood grill, spinach artichoke dip, maroon and green chatchkies.

The conservative party has fallen to a despicable low equal to that of the preschooler who wets himself during story time. We're all getting cozy, ready to hear about the amazing story of a caterpillar's metamorphosis into a magnificent butterfly, and this jerk has the audacity to piss his pants. It wreaks of urine. He is uncomfortable and sticky. We are becoming nauseated from the retched odor. Jindal is ruining our story time, he's ruining our attempts, our hopes for better times in the near future. Why does he do this? Because he likes the smell of his own urine. When we go to recess, I'm gonna throw sand in his eyes and spread rumors that he has herpes, what any honest pre-schooler would do.