No, I Should Not Be Used To This!

The best part about being from the Chicagoland area and living in a foreign location is that on absurdly windy days, people will say, "Aw mate, you should be used to this....windy city right?" NO! No one in the freaking world becomes "used" to offensively windy days like today. It's pouring down rain, and there's, like, 35 mile per hour gusts of wind rendering umbrellas completely useless, and white clothes completely transparent. Not only does Chicago's nickname not come from the intensity of its wind corridors, but even if it did, give me a brake jack ass. Do I make a stupid remark every time it rains? Every time I see a soccer hooligan punch an innocent 5 year old in the face?

Living in the cold doesn't make anyone handle cold better, they just appreciate soup and well insulated buildings a lot more. Similarly, wind is not something one grows defenses against. Windbreakers not only fail to break wind (hahahahahahahah get it?) but are also heinously unfashionable. The only way to handle windy days like this is to avoid leaving the house. And if you do leave the house, and happen to mention to someone that you're from Chicago, and happen to be told that you should be used to this, hit the Mofo in the face and tell him that the Jerk Store called and told you they were out of him!