Sunday 14 March 2010

Happy Pi Day

So, to most of you heavy drinkers, today is just the day 3 days before St. Patrick's Day. Personally, I'll be celebrating St. Patrick's Day with some Shamrock Vodka Shake, but that's beside the point. Today is a much more important day. The only day, in fact, at least that I can think of, that is universally celebrated. It doesn't matter what country you're from, or what religion you practice, or pretend to practice, you have to believe in today.

It's March 14th, Pi Day. Pi, as wikipedia tells us, is the mathematical constant whose value is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter. That right there is NUTS! Every year Pi Day reminds me how remarkable Pi actually is. Most importantly, however, is the fact that it gives me a day to make a delightfully punny pie! It's apple. Funny enough, nothing good for pie making is in season during Pi Day.

Saturday 6 March 2010

One More Thing...

I think YAZ's marketing team is targeting me. Seriously, I like all the activities commonly depicted in YAZ commercials: getting my hair cut, drinking martinis, buying clothes. The fact that the commercials show birth control-seeking vixens participating in those activities makes me like them even more. I think I have to stop watching Mercy.

Am I Actually On The Hook?

I just watched an episode of How I Met Your Mother because, well, it's 8:45 on a Saturday night, and, no, of course I don't have anything better to do. The episode was about how Ted had been hooked by guest star, Carrie Underwood. The term 'hook' apparently refers to a situation in which the 'hook-ee' greatly wants a relationship with the 'hook-er'. The 'hook-er', in turn, 'hooks' the 'hook-ee' by implying that, while a current romantic relationship is out the question, a future romantic relationship is possible, even likely.


I know I've been hooked at least once, and maybe I'm still on that hook (you know who you are...I don't think you read this...so I'll say chicken soup, ice cream, and cake...if you read this, you'll know who you are and anyone that knows you will likely know I'm talking about you). I have been and likely am on more hooks, I'm sure. I give away too many baked goods, buy too many rounds, send too many e-cards, and am a date to too many weddings to not currently be completely hooked by a handful of hook-ers. In most of these cases, I understand that I may not have been hooked due to the angler's skill, but rather due to my nearly masochistic insistence on scarfing the lure.

The thing is: life on the hook is unfortunately satisfying.

I reckon I probably enjoy being on the hook more than being in a real, hook-free, relationship. That element of anxious anticipation that the hook provides is sort of like the clear plastic cover on the screen of a new i-pod. You know it would be better to remove the plastic cover, but the risk involved is just too great. In hopping off the hook, the hook-ee has to either: (1) confront the hook-er once and for all, no means no, and yes means awesome, albeit nearly absolutely unlikely, or (2) slip away, accepting permanent rejection. So, what's the solution? Do I stop trying to meet the demands of all the hook-ers in my life? No. Of course not. After all, we're just not together right now. We might start something great...later...maybe.

Aw, man.

Tuesday 2 March 2010

no no no YOU chill out

Maybe I'm a jerk, but you show me someone typically described as being really "chill" or totally "laid back", and I'll show you someone I'd rather swim across Lake Michigan than meet. Both (1. swimming across the lake, and 2. being in the presence of a laid back person) are unbelievably painful. Both are only endurable in so far as you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In the spirit of Casimir Pulaski, I'm begging all of you "chill" people to get a personality. Jot some notes down before talking to me. Pick some conversation topics. Something from the news, I don't care. Make up a story and tell it in the first person. Lie to me. I really don't care. Casimir Pulaski didn't help any laid back people through a conversation. He didn't fill the awkward silences with banter. No, if Casimir realized you weren't going to be an active member of society, he sure as hell wasn't going to offer you a slice of his interesting pie. And as a new rule, I don't do anything that Casimir wouldn't do.*

Happy Casimir Pulaski Day!

*This does not mean that I would do everything that Casimir did. The Revolutionary War does not sound like it was fun. On second thought, I think I would go to war if I were certain that, if I did, tiny little Illini in the future would get an extra Monday off of school.