Amid the tremendously fun agenda of today, President Obama will take a small break between inaugural balls, inaugural galas, and inaugural window shopping to initiate a new tradition into the inauguration day events of future presidents. Persuaded by fellow short-sided stars (like, literally short-sited, not like he doesn't have a good grasp on the future, cuz he does!) Obama agreed to participate in a quick game of knockout with fellow goggle wearers, Horace the horse Grant, and Kareem the wet dream Abdul Jabbar. Obama (above) made a stop in Michigan where he borrowed the prescription goggles of a Chrysler autoworker recently laid off due to the fact that Chrysler makes terrible cars that no one in their right mind would purchase.
Proceeds will go to the Keep Kazuo Kawasaki Profitable Fund. Mr. (or is it Mrs.? i have no idea) Kawasaki designed the frames for Sarah Palin's eyeglasses which allowed for her negligent brain capacity to be outshined by her folksiness and minxy eye winks. The fund was created to support Kawasaki's efforts in creating a new line of sportswear goggles which may keep poor-sited NBA stars on the court longer than previous models. While Jabbar and Grant are too old to benefit from the new model, there are several fallen stars that could benefit. NBA fans may once again accept Bryant "big country" Reeves back onto the court after his premature retirement due to bad vision (he also sucked a lot, but the goggles will be able to fool approximately 45% of Clinton voters to purchase Grizzlies season tickets).
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